I swear to God I will throw those boots away for her

Britney, don't you think it's time to retire those nasty, worn out, pathetic excuses for footwear? I almost prefer the pirate garb you were sporting earlier this week compared to those. Put the dog down and step away from the boots, Britney.

Sure J.Lo's not pregnant...and the Pope isn't Catholic

Even though she's been denying the rumors for years now, Jenny's fashion choices as of late as well as her restraining from dancing at a concert last week makes it seem to me like she may just have a gaunt, greasy little Marc Anthony bun in the oven. If not... I would suggest laying off the carbs, woman.

Britney's actions coming back to haunt her

Britney Spears is sad. And who could blame her? She has just been charged on two counts of hit-and-run and, get this, driving without a valid California driver's license. How do you live in California for, like, seven years and get pulled over a dozen times and still not have a driver's license? On top of that, she is undergoing bi-weekly drug tests (thank God) and attending parenting classes with ex-hubby Kevin Federline. Who cares about the parents...save the children!

Mark your calendars!

For the first time in history, the date I have circled on my calendar on the month of May will NOT be my birthday, but the premiere of the new Sex and the City movie! Word is the flick is opening May 30, 2008, so y'all know where I'll be that day.

Zanessa back in action

Ugh. The nastiest teen couple in Hollywood made a midnight McDonald's run Sunday, obviously attracting a lot of attention. You know you've made an impact when the paparrazi get out of bed to run and snap a pic of you in the drive-thru...yawn. Anyway, Vanessa was flaunting her "friendship" ring from Zac, who is definitely, definitely straight. No really, he is.

Vanessa Hudgens is a High School Musical whore!!!

I'm sure you've all heard this already...as you can see I haven't been very active on the computer this week (mine wigged out on me so I've been sneaking home to use my dad's). This is one of my favorite celeb stories in the past couple of weeks...turns out little Gabriella isn't quite as innocent as Disney execs made her out to be (this pic is tame compared to some that got leaked). First of all, how could she EVER think this was a good idea? And second, who the hell took this picture and went along with the notion that it was a good idea? Her pal Miley Cyrus was quoted by E! saying that she felt bad For Ness, and that everyone makes mistakes. I'm sorry...oops, I totalled my car--that's a mistake. But oops, my clothes fell off and I bit my lip and posed in front of a camera accidentally? Mistake isn't quite the right word.

Mary-Kate explains herself...sort of

Have you ever had one of those days when you just wake up and think to yourself, "I want to have white trash hair today"? No? Me neither. But apparently Mary-Kate does quite frequently...at least she said she does in this month's issue of Bazaar. What other gems did she share with us, you ask? She loves walking around naked in her house wearing nothing but heels and that signature chunky jewelry. Something tells me I could have lived without that little tidbit of information.

And the award for the worst VMA performance in history goes to...

Seriously. I had just gotten out of the shower on Sunday night and was beginning to wind down for the night...when I was confronted with the most disturbing and unnerving display of suckiness that I have ever witnessed. Britney's "performance" was not only skanky, but boring, lifeless and pretty much looked like what the slutty girl in high school would do in the talent show (you know the one I mean). And (here comes the bitch in me), is it just me or is Britney's "physique" not exactly in the shape it used to be? It's fine, girl--you had two kids. But please, dress accordingly.