You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt

Has anyone else contemplated what a travesty against humanity it would be if all of K. Kar's athletics on the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars caused her to lose that famously delicious ass? What is Kim Kardashian without an ass? That's like Jay Leno without a chin, or Brad Pitt without a penis. Let's not even go there. It's not like she could fall back (pun intended) on her acting abilities. Did you see Disaster Movie? Yeah, me neither.

Oh. My. God.

Vote for Sarah Palin or...

She'll f**k yo' shiz up!!

I'm afraid.

The hockey mom speaks

Gag me. If there's on thing that annoyed me more than Sarah Palin's blatant disregard for the truth, it was her pimping out her family for half of her speech in attempt to get us to vote for her. How dumb do you think I am? I'm not voting for you because you have cute kids. And though Huckabee's proclamation that "She's one of the most popular governors," is a convincing argument, I think I'll pass, thanks. when did this stop being a presidential election and start being a page out of my high school yearbook?

Adrian Brody no longer wants to attract women

I'll admit it, Adrien Brody used to be my favorite secret crush. Something about that huge nose just always did something for me. I love him in some of cute indie movies, like Dummy. But lately the look my former future husband has been sporting is a little less, well, hot. He looks less like a sexy leading man and more like a Jewish version of Borat. And it never hurts to put on some real pants before you leave the house.